Welcome to the internet’s 3,648th D&D Podcast!
Unlikely Heroes is a goofy, NSFW podcast very loosely based on the game mechanics of Dungeons & Dragons (5e). That means we roll dice sometimes!
Some of our players are D&D vets who paint magical word pictures with the ease of a bard seducing a lonely gnome. One of us never played before recording this podcast. And one of us has technically played D&D as a barbarian for more than two years but still doesn’t know the difference between a mace and a maul.
We created this podcast after gaining inspiration from the many, much-better D&D podcasts out there (Check out Dungeons & Daddies – they’re awesome). They sounded like they were having fun, so we figured we’d give it a shot.
Season 1: Theme Park
Our first season kicks off as three friends reconnect at their 10th high school reunion in the town of Danville, USA.
Their shenanigans bring them to the town’s abandoned theme park, where things get real weird real fast.
Rory Chesterschmidt – Monk
Rory was once a man of steel, the very picture of martial arts fitness. Now, after a steady diet of Old Country Buffet scraps, his once rock-hard body has softened. If he flexes in the right light, you can kinda tell he was an athlete, but his abs are long buried and his once bulging biceps resemble deflated balloons.
Rory spent his youth honing his martial arts skills in his dojo, Rick’s Karate (located in a shopping center beside Old Country Buffet and an abandoned building that was once a Blockbuster), under the careful instruction of his uncle Richard Chesterschmidt. He trained hard, eventually becoming the star student of the dojo. He won several tournaments, gaining him the nickname “Chet Rorris.”
After his tournament days peaked at age 12, Rory decided to pursue a career as an action star, filming himself doing stunts in the dojo after hours when he was supposed to be polishing the door knobs. Unaware that the desktop folder he had been putting his videos into was not actually YouTube, Rory’s career never took off.
He is now the assistant to the lead instructor in Rick’s Young Tiger program, holding kick pads and wooden blocks for 10-year-olds to break. Although he maintains that he is still the greatest martial artist in the world, years of instructing children and smoking weed by the dumpster in between classes has created a thick layer of rust on his fists of steel.
Kyle H. Hansen – Barbarian
As a true underachiever™, Kyle has spent his adult life on a free ride skating along.
Kyle’s parents are divorced. His parents split in middle school, and he lived with his mom until he graduated. After high school, his dad offered him a job at his construction firm in Maryland. He moved into the basement of his dad’s McMansion (where he currently resides to this day) and doesn’t really do anything at work. Despite this, he claims his father’s success as his own and despises his father for disciplining him at 29 years old.
Kyle lives well beyond his means. He gets a paycheck from work, but doesn’t cash it and doesn’t understand how direct deposit works. Literally all of his spending money comes from the credit card that his father eventually broke down and gave him after he grew tired of Kyle swiping his wallet.
Kyle is a year older than the others Heroes. He failed 10th grade after thinking it would be sick to take Spanish to learn curse words.
Kyle believes that there are two keys to his misperceived success: utilizing every single pocket on his person and being able to knock out an entire wall using his bare hands.
Winona Applebeez – Rogue
Winona Mae Applebeez was raised by her single mother in a studio apartment above the local adult gift shop. She dreamed of going to college to major in Women’s and Gender Studies, but, before she could apply, her mother left town with her internet boyfriend, leaving Winona to fend for herself. Winona continues to live in her mother’s apartment. (The landlord does a lot of meth and has kind of forgotten she’s there.)
Winona grew increasingly eccentric over the years, stopped showering and formed a natural kinship with the local dumpster cats. She soon started believing her cats could talk back to her. She lives largely off of scraps she and her hoard of felines squelch from the dumpsters of local restaurants – less out of desperation than from a belief that the food’s still perfectly good and shouldn’t be wasted. Her mother, now an MLM magnate, sends her regular shipments of essential oils.
Winona has two purposes in life. First, she she must attend to her cats’ needs for love and companionship. Second, she believes it is her destiny to reverse the decline of fast-casual dining and take her place as the rightful heiress to the Applebee’s fortune.